


Freefall

by sherlock221Bismymuse



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Pining Sherlock, Sherlolly Freeform, The Fall - Freeform, meat dagger, the end of an era, who leaves a wedding early
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 20:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14409756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlock221Bismymuse/pseuds/sherlock221Bismymuse
Summary: Ever since he fell off the roof of St Bart’s it was as though he had never landed. Endlessly falling. Spiralling. Limbs in disarray, arms flapping uselessly, no wings ever sprouting. Legs thrashing helplessly. Head lolling, lips open in a silent scream. Free fall.Whether he was awake or asleep it mattered little now. He was always falling. Tumbling. Rolling. Spinning. There were never any hands close enough to reach and touch, catch and hold. There were no hands to save him.





	Freefall

Ever since he fell off the roof of St Bart’s it was as though he had never landed. 

His body may have been rescued by Molly and patched up and then whisked off by Mycroft. His body may have been tracking down Moriarty’s network and killing his minions off. His body may have been eating, drinking, smoking, resting, fighting, scarring, stabbing, throbbing, hurting, burning, shivering, living, dying…………. but it was all happening while he was still falling.

Endlessly falling. Spiralling. Limbs in disarray, arms flapping uselessly, no wings ever sprouting. Legs thrashing helplessly. Head lolling, lips open in a silent scream. Free fall. 

Tumbling, rolling, spinning.

Whether he was awake or asleep it mattered little now. He was always falling. 

Tumbling. Rolling. Spinning. 

There were never any hands close enough to reach and touch, catch and hold. There were no hands to save him.

It was the look in John’s eyes the day he fell, the look in Molly’s eyes the day he left her flat, the look in Mycroft’s eyes as he left the country. Every coloured iris guarding an abyss and a little tiny inverted image of Sherlock on all those brains, spiralling, falling further, deeper, every spin taking him closer to the bottomless deep where no one could hear him scream.

He was still in freefall when he came back and found that what he thought would be a soft landing next to John turned out to be the edge of another precipice. He could not even rest his feet there before he went tumbling off again. Spinning and circling and folding napkins into swans, choosing colours for the bridesmaids, writing speeches, because Mary…Mary….Mary. John was with Mary now and yes, Mrs Hudson, it was indeed the end of an era. 

And down, down, down the rabbit hole went Sherlock, spinning away, curiouser and curiouser. 

When would he finally land? Would he ever land? Or would he just spin away and soon be beyond the solar system? Would he just tumble many, many light years into the distance? And by the time the people on this planet saw the light from his reflection, he would have been long gone. 

He would no longer even be alive.

Alive.

Why was he still alive? 

Maybe that is the puzzle he should be trying to solve. 

Solve. Solution. 7% was a useful solution.

He had played his violin composition, said his last vow (of course it would be his last vow. You have to be alive to make more vows), looked at John take Mary for the first dance, and quietly slipped out of the wedding hall.

Mycroft would have known even before he thought about leaving but he wasn’t there was he? He didn’t do weddings. John had someone else beside him now so he would not miss his presence. Greg and Mrs Hudson were talking to each other and Molly was probably dancing with Meat Dagger.

No one was looking at him. No one could see him.  
He should slip out now, turning cartwheels in the dark, un-anchored, un –moored, like a kite with its strings cut. Like a wheel rolling downhill. Like a falling star on the horizon. Like a ……….when suddenly a lifeline snaked its way through the dark and held him. 

‘Sherlock? Where are you going?’

He wobbled but it held. It hauled him in, gently, ever so gently, but backwards from the abyss.

‘Sherlock! Are you ok?’

He turned around slowly. Of course. Molly always saw him. She was the one person from whom he could never hide anything. Neither his thoughts nor even himself. Even when he hid himself from the entire world, she was the one who hid him. 

He could never hide from her.

He would never hide from her. 

The lifeline she threw at him may have been as fine as silk, but he would never find it in himself to break it. He would never let it go. 

But if he held on to it she would get pulled in. Into the dark and silent void of space.

Bright yellow Molly. Smiling Molly. Dancing Molly. Kind Molly. Molly who got him coffee and body parts. Molly who helped him fall. Molly who kept him alive while he died. Molly who offered sanctuary. Molly who waited. Molly who moved on. Molly who was engaged to Meat Dagger.

Why was she here?

‘’Sherlock’, she said, for the third time, breathlessly, as she finally caught up with him.  
She put a hand on his arm. He felt it like a steel hoop through his coat. He was still.

‘I thought no one saw me leave’. He said.

‘I always see you Sherlock. And anyway, who leaves a wedding early?’

‘’I had no- one to dance with?’ he offers as a plausible excuse. Will she believe him?

She looked at him, wondering if he was joking. She saw the serious look in his eyes and said—‘Is that all? Come, I will dance with you.’

‘But what about Meat Dagger?’

‘Tom,’ she said quickly. ‘His name is Tom’.

And just then Tom was there too, looking down the path and calling out to her.  
‘Molly! What are you doing?’  
His eyes adjusted to the dark and he saw who she was with. His eyes narrowed. His voice grew edgy. ‘What are you doing with him Molly?’ 

‘Just give me a minute Tom. Please go back inside. I will come. Please Tom.’

‘No Molly. From the day he came back I knew this was going to happen. If you don’t come back with me right now, don’t bother coming back at all.’

Molly just stood there, holding Sherlock’s arm. Sherlock looked down at her and started to pry her fingers loose. She needed to go back. She could not fall with him. The abyss had no end. No one would hear her scream.

She turned to see what he was doing and swiftly moved her hand off his arm altogether. 

‘Wait here’ she said and walked back to Tom.

He saw her take off her ring and give it to Tom who stood there speechless, looking at her and the ring on his palm.

Molly came back to Sherlock, put her hand on his arm again and said, ‘Come. Do you want to dance? Or do you want to go somewhere?’.

‘Molly….’ he started to say in a warning voice. _Don’t tie yourself to me Molly, I am falling. This time even you cannot catch me. ___

__She put a finger to his lips. ‘Come, let’s get out of here.’_ _

__They walked to the road and took a taxi back to her flat. They rode silently. His spinning had slowed down a bit and he was not flailing so much anymore. Circles upon circles, up and down and up and down, round and round the garden, like a teddy bear._ _

__They reached her flat and walked down the familiar passage, opened the familiar door, breathed the familiar smell of her home. His sanctuary when he had fallen off the map. Lingering molecules from flowers, baking, detergent, shampoo, perfume, lunch, tea, brown paper bags._ _

__Every molecule seemed to tie itself in little circles around him and his spinning slowed down some more. She gestured for him to remove his coat and sit on the sofa while she made tea. They had tea and biscuits in silence. After they had finished she sat next to him in more silence. He slumped against the sofa and she let him sleep right there. She covered him with a blanket and got herself one too and slept on the floor right next to him._ _

__When his hand flopped down in his sleep, she held it._ _

__His spinning slowed down some more. He was still in freefall into the abyss but now if he blinked he could see some stars. Far away, so very far away but at least they were breaking the inky black space in which he had been hurtling till now._ _

__In fact as he looked carefully he realized that one of those stars was in fact a bright yellow Sun. It was warm and bright and yellow. So yellow. So warm._ _

__When he woke up he saw the Sun. She had slept right next to him on the floor and was looking up at him with a smile. He felt the warmth and the brightness soak into him and the abyss seemed to have receded._ _

__He was still spinning he realized but he was no longer in freefall._ _

__He was in orbit._ _


End file.
